ive been emotionally and partially financially independent ever since i was 12 years of age.. by choice.. (although had adult supervision similar to the restrictions of Alcatraz).which elsewhere isnt custom under normal circumstanes..
in these rollercoaster years i learnt to stand on my own two feet and go about arranging my priorities. i created my own convictions, boundaries and beliefs i wholeheartedly abided. then a series of events (including a deep infatuation) surpassed and all was in pandemonium. all i abided as would a bible, fell into ruins. had to step back and analyze the situation.
i derived the conclusion "all i got in the end is me, myself and i" (as quoted from one of my favorite songs). my family and friends no matter how supportive lead their own lives and at times its just selfish to hurdle them with mainly self inflicted pety problems. so i solved my own conflicts. and i do admit it was more convenient, leaves you less vulnerable to the blows brought about by people. simply coz you cant be disappointed or let down coz you dont depend on them. no bitterness, no getting jaded, no sleepless sobbing nights.
as a chain reaction even more restricted was matters of the heart. the advantage/disadvantage of that is since your so accustomed to be self dependent. no one can trespass, but once someone were to, its definite chaos and lacking experience to deal with such scenarios it ends in a deeper searing cut.
in the end "no man is an island". i was blind and arrogant to think i could last longer than 6yrs without harsh contortion consequences of my point of view. theres a natural need for necessity. family and friends are a given and eventually later on in life a significant other or offspring. we must learn to live peacefully in acceptance of ourselves and then with others. we all need our space but not seclusion from the world we're part of. quoting from a movie i caught a glimpse of lately "we should eventually arrange our lives in order for us not to be alone at the very end of our days".
easier said than done. career success is simpler an equation than the region of our contradicting emotions.
in closing the chapter of our lives (minus the health plus the time), its the relationships with one another that truly enriches our existence.